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Sue Ann has decided to...a) cut her hair and change her lifestyleb) move back home with her incorrigible widowed dadc) move to Toronto (OK, New York) and become a fashion photographerd) try women for a while (OK, sorry, Hallmark would never)d) burn her little black book and dedicate helself to the nursing home Christmas showBut this Christmas is about to become a disaster becausea) the pre-teen son of her sister has a huge holiday crushb) she’s developing a dependency on sleeping pillsc) she’s met two perfect guys who happen to be best friends, but neither know the other is involved with herd) she’s misplaced an emerald broach that has been in her family for generationsAfter being sent home froma) a major photo shoot for a Vogue magazine coverb) her family Chritmas dinnerc) her new job’s Christmas partyd) the big town decorating eventBecause...1) She couldn’t stop cryingb) She screamed at a group of young carolers inclusding her nephew3) she passed out, seemingly drunk, but actually. In my mind’s eye, everything I saw immediately took on a sexual connotation. The arm of the couch was the perfect height and width to straddle and rub against. Remote controls became excruciatingly phallic and had me wondering what all those little plastic knobs would feel like, bumping in and out of my hole. I’d pressed my arse against the washing machine during the spin cycle until the vibration nearly made me scream and had experienced a fervent desire to be reincarnated as a stamp when I happened to see Cybele licking one. It was when I’d almost caved and done the unthinkable, nearly lost all trace of lucidity and been gagging to beg Cybele to lick me like that stamp, that I’d locked myself away in my room to wait it out. Even there I wasn’t safe. I spent the last four hours prior to Maitena’s appearance, contemplating how neatly a paperclip could fit over the end of an aroused nipple. When she walked in that door, I would have crawled over razor wire if she’d have asked it of.
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